I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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