well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
