Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
