Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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