Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
