I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
