don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Randomize
