My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
