NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
