Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
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The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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