If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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