I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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