butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
