May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
