How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
