I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
