put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
