I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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