bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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