it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
