you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
