im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
