So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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