How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
