Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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