He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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