I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
