brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
