Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
