All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
