ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
