just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
