The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
