so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
