Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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