remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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