We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
