he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
