My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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