ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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