i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
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Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
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A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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