I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
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