I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
