So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
