I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
pray to the hookup gods
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
