someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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