i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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