You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
