How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
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We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
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Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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