Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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