Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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