what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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