sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
