Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
