I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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