im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
