Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
