I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
