Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
