Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
