How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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