just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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