I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
A+ Viking dick
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
