the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
