I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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