you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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