i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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