Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
