Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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