on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
