I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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