Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Randomize
