3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
