rhymes with "ouble enetration"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
