I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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