he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
