was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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