Duck Duck Cougar?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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